im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
