The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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