I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
