well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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