Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
