am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
