I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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