I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
