I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize