All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
