I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
