Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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