I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
