Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
