I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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