i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
