Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
