maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
