Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
