you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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