does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
