So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
