I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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