An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
