Who did Billy Mays play for?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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