Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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