I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
