I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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