Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i've created a new STD.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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