My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
