cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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