I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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