i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
