hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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