I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
