No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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