the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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