Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
