I showed him my bush... on skype.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
