Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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