I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
