He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
