All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
