never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We talked him into tasing himself.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
