I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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