I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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