when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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