The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
