Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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