i permit you to call me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
