oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to calm my uterus...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
