He passed out mid-signature
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
