it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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