her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
