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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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