So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
