if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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