he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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