i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
