Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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