He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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