I love black thongs
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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