We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
