There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
