Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
