I need help removing her.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
