new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize