Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
me + whiskey = a bad person
my poor anus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
