I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
