he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
