why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
