So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
