Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
