Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
