i just wanna soil my oats bro
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize