TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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