I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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