Ambien. No doubt about it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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