Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize