i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I heard we made out
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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