1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
