I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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