i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
