I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
