I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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