I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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