Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
