Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
