no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
