In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
honey bunches of taint.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
