I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
