With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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