I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
