My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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