Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
