I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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