don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
