Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
