Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
