Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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