I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
