I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
