just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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