i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
