it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
