So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
