whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have post one night stand depression
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
