I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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