I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
