this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize