I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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