I want to walk on stilts...naked
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
