I need help removing her.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
