dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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